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| I just need to remember that this is what I wanted. I left because I was unhappy not just because he lied to me about another woman. He could be so horrible sometimes, and I was constantly disappointed. My feelings were hurt and are still hurt. I wish I could just erase it and never have to feel this pain again. I want to forget all about it. Everything we had, every feeling I had for him. I want to forget the moments when I felt so connected I would tear up and know that no one else could ever make me feel that way. I just want to forget.
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| I am so hurt, so angry, so sad. How could he do this to me? Why was it worth it? What was he thinking??? I have a constant, endless stream of thoughts in my head. I desperately want to him but then I don't. I want him to want to talk to me, to miss me to the point of tears, to be lonely without me, to see subtle reminders everywhere. All selfish, but essentially I want him to feel all the things I feel and more. But then I don't want him to know I feel that way.
I also want to be free of all these feelings, to find happiness in my being unattached and uninhabited. Right now I really can go anywhere and do anything. It is a beautiful thing. But all I see right now is sorrow and emptiness. I try to remind myself of how lonely and incomplete I felt with him. I have not been truly happy with him in ages. Much of what I feel now is simply an amplification of what I felt through much of our relationship.
He was mean and belittling. He diminished so much of who I was because I was constantly swallowing parts of myself to appease the situation. Everyday it was as if little parts of my soul died. Granted there were obviously moments that were good, but they were far and few between.
On the other hand, he made me laugh and he was my friend. To be accustomed to someone in your life and then to leave it behind gives way to tremendous grief. I am grieving now, recollecting lost memories and feeling the empty space in myself where he was. I am sad mostly.
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| As our economy continues to diminish, our national debt becomes greater and our military tires of battle, we the people begin to wonder of our own futures. With the continuation of our current political direction, the longevity of our nations greatest principles are at stake. It is difficult to know what lies before us, but it is clear that this is the time for serious action and a time for immeadiate change. The exposure of our nation's most significant political election throughout recent history has begun with an overwhelming movement of minorities, youth, and an internal desire for change. This election marks a point in our history that will never be forgotten. In these troublesome and uncertain times it is necessary for the unification of our America to begin; taking our first steps into the future. The power of our individual vote has been diminished and discarded by those who take advantage and exploit us to win an election; instead of encouraging us to move forward and clasp our need for true leadership. This movement of hope, and the demand for change is altering the face of predictable politics. The evidence is clear, and the message is defining. The power of the disillusioned people has sparked a desire that emboldens those that cry out for a new direction. So many times before, real change has begun in the hearts and minds of the few, who challenged the status quo and encouraged those around them to question what is by insisting on what should be. As you look across the landscape of America and see those that suffer, those that mourn, and those that hope, it is impossible to deny the necessity of change. Like a breath of fresh air, the possibility of a new direction is within our grasp. It is imperative to bask in this moment and once again believe in the greatness of a nation that carries an opportunity for prosperity unlike any other. I encourage you to go forth and challenge yourselves with a belief in the possibility of change, and the expectation of truth. Deny those who discourage you, and hold on to the vote that was given to you. Use it to speak out and tell them to beware this movement; because, “yes, we can” bring change. “Nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.” - Sen. Barack Obama
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| Today, as we discussed Radical Feminists, I pondered my own personal labels. For the record, the idea of one of the pieces was that people should embrace their labels and appreciate one another's differences. So, here are some of my labels... Feminist , mother, daughter, sister, friend, animal lover, tree hugger, liberal, realist, politico, conservationist, student, patient, consumer, and philanthropist. *Please note: not lover, girlfriend, wife or other. I will now try to go and embrace my differences within the human experiance. >>>Here is a shot out to my good friend Jeremy, who misses my blogs. | | |
| I would not consider myself an avid reader of The Guardian, but rather a casual acquaintance to the papers more sultry subjects. I was, however given an opportunity today by a fellow classmate to read the latest issue containing the sensationalism of our drug laws. I must first state my immense surprise that there are students in our community of intellectuals that are unaware of the drug policies regarding financial aid compliance and eligibility. I will commend our University in its known attempts inform the student body of these expectations, and reprimand the students failure to pay attention. Although the piece was directed toward the existence of an increased number of arrests, it was evident that the policy was previously unknown to far too many students. Now, I must address the policy itself. I can see how one of moral integrity would applaud such a policy that seeks to deter individuals from pursuing a life involved in, or built around the use of drugs; however, I do not see how that individual could ignore or dismiss the obvious fallacies of the agreement. This policy is the overstep of government control. The road to civil liberty infringement is one of slippery agendas masked by ‘positive’ political policies. Many can advocate the interest of the people and the positive, intended effects of this policy: keeping drugs off campus, ending drug addiction, etc…; but one should ask themselves “What are the total effects?”. Yes, students should not “be able to use their federal loan to subsidize a drug habit”, as Mr. Kohler so eloquently put it, but in reality that is an assumptive argument with little foundation. It is the penurious masses who are enduring the ramifications of this policy. I must highlight the lack of punishment for those individuals who stand independent of the need for financial aid. If my parents are able to afford my education alone, I am without punishment for my ‘wrong’ doings and am able to go free to continue my studies harmoniously. However; those in need of the aid do not. Furthermore; why is it that if I murder someone I do not lose my financial aid? This is a fair policy? If it is drug use, addiction and drug related entrepreneurialism on campus that the government and its constituencies are trying to defeat, then should the question not be the consent of a student to continue there studies? The burden of punishment should not fall on the shoulders of the needy alone. In conclusion it is my goal to highlight the simplicity of fact that this policy, which Mr. Feur has so graciously brought to the attention of the students, is unfair, inconsistent, and illogical. It is also to show the evidence that this rule is a part of an overall policy agenda that resembles that of moral policing. Unfortunately, it is obvious that there are students who are uniformed of the policy, and therefore the question of blame falls upon themselves. I urge those intellectuals who see the faulty nature of this particular policy, and others similar in nature, to go forth with the idealistic belief that individuals should not be confined by policy conducted by those who are more interested in politicking than in the body of individuals they represent. If it is the end of drug use that ‘we’ pursue with this rule, then let us find policies that incorporate fewer injustices and instead result in greater achievements. “That the principle is, that the sole end for which mankind are warranted, individually or collectively, in interfering with the liberty of action of any of their number, is self-protection. That the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others.” John Stuart Mill, On Liberty
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